briandonbrianxz

perfect in every way, the flaws you've told me from time to time makes me love you even more. knowing how inperfect you are, makes me feel im not the only one whose subconsciously a dork at times and that we share the same likes and dislikes. sharing every little-lest of detail of our daily happenings never bore me and i keep wanting for more. oh im such a sucker for you hun 

this picture oh so reminds of why im love you. and that i my love grows more each day. and now you know. sometimes i wonder who read my blogs but whateves, i know you are my fateful follower ;) and having you as my love make my days so perfect. 

maybe im just too sticky. maybe this and that. maybe i'm doing it all wrong because it's happening either way. but i can't ever seem to get enough...maybe it's all a part of my doings.

my mind speaks of it as fading slowly into thin air that i'm overly wary about. it seems like it is, but it isn't. and for what is it worth, it's worth my life, my heart. and i could only guess how much i'm worth from thy. this cloudy mind of mine isn't helping. frightened till i could hear my heart pounding through my ear sockets, and with each heartbeat; it makes me worry and feel as if that each beat brings me closer to the day i once fear never come to exist in my life. but would likely be very much be a reality in the near future. oh nevertheless, i try my best. and sometimes i don't even think my best is enough. all my mind every think about is thy fading slowly away..

- pleasantries follows only when you keep faith. hope is what drives us each day even if seems bleak, we still pull through somehow - daytwelve

so guess what, my aunt came over with some rebonding hair products and i was stupid enough to ask my mom to do my hair too. given that i try to stuffs in life that's ridiculous, i really think my hair look ridiculous now. or maybe i just don't know how to style or fit myself into its swagger yet? hmm. hah lol.

later after today, went to meet up with the rest to skate scape because the main plan on going ecp literally failed due to awesome weather. scape was packed with pakour people tumbling around the center of scape. so we literally had to skate round the circumference. but all was good, so many little kids on a sunday, why? but nevertheless, it was still a kickass session. got some impromptu footage down cause i didn't had any feel to film today but i still did. so um yeah here's just throwaway clip to show you how epic marcus tay's camera is!

and speaking of which! my love is coming back the day after tomorrow! it feels so close yet so far though! but still hype nevertheless. can't wait smother her with kisses and hugs. xoxo 

- bright and dark days are here to stay. it's part and parcel of life. but how can i better myself and get through this unscathed? for everything just seemed to be too amplified when all is still fresh. and only regrets follows by the end of it. i tell myself from time to time again that it will never happen again. maybe the only answer that i've been truly looking for was just acceptance - dayeleven


better days came through inevitably. i'd never imagine it would actually be this way. but lately my mind has been just distracted aimlessly with what to do in life. with responsibilities resting heavily on my shoulder, confused if it's intended in the first place. it's really hard to accept things that's not your responsibility. slowly but surely, i'm learning how to. no where near yet, but willing. i hope the time will come soon.

my mood's becoming better and better these past 2 days. though its just a few minutes chat with jasmine, i'm really thankful for what i've got. and with her arrival date shifted back, two days earlier than its expected to be. i've never been this optimistic and hyped. i could just stay home and think of stuffs we should do when she gets back. oh the joy <3

- aimlessly i frown and gaze upon to empty spaces, in hope that time would pass by faster and get rid me of this phase - dayten

i didn't really enjoyed skating town today. it was more of a chill session then a legit skate session. chilling around is one thing and skating most of the time is another. massive game of skate and such, though it feels at home being a flatground tech. i find myself craving for more cruising and grinding now. beats me why. maybe i'm just bitter because i'm sad that i miss jasmine so much. i miss the interaction, care and love. and even if i was the only one giving it every single day, i wouldn't mind a single bit; just as long she's here in my arms.

given the attitude of my dad, i've been finding myself rather moody; although it has cool down and such. i just can't seem to brush it off and not be moody for everyone to see. i wish i wasn't like this, and i'm not like this in actual fact. but sometimes it's just too much. for people to take advantage of me for being too nice. and to an extent i get pushed around and get taken advantage of.

in the end, i end up being the selfish one. when all i wanna do is give and keep giving. sigh

i splurged on this upcoming spree. and for one, i really wanna restart my life in a new country. escape to somewhere i can't be taken advantage for being nice when i really mean it from the bottom of my heart...

- mood swings, i've never really understand you. but still, acknowledge me anyway because i try to. and no you don't mix well with my dad's temperamental issues so please walk away. - daynine

i did my chores, i did what i had to do the moment i step in the house yesterday night. cleaned the toilet and cleaned the house. the first thing i hear in the morning is that the toilet smells? sometimes i don't know if my dad's really just faking it or he's doing it on purpose. and all that big fuss in his rant text was a joke. look at him all so happy today like nothing happened. seriously...


daddy issues aside, i really just can't wait for my sweetheart to arrive back home ): nine days is really no joke. another seven more days through this emptiness is really slowly eating me up inside. just wished i could really just fly solo now and do whatever i want. get myself preoccupied and busy and not be emo about my dar dar being overseas, but noo my dad wants me home to fucking know do what! giving in too much really spoiled my dad and im not getting any younger. he has to learn that i'm growing less dependent on him and that it is perfectly fine.

though i stayed home the entire day, i rested myself up really well, groomed my hair. and yes i can't wait for tomorrow's session!

- learn to let go, let the bird who was once a chick learn how to fall, pick itself up and fly solo. it will only be a matter of time till it happens. so why delay the learning process which would be the key of life? - dayeight


and so another day skating, whats new? oh the joy that comes with it is really indescribable. filmed most popshuvits in a minute. i guess i kinda goofed around more to get used to my new shoes and board. its really gripy and habitat shoe sizes are really small. i bought size 8 US and its still tight. well not that it's as bad as my janoskis, those were totally ripping my precious feet off my ankles. 
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and oh today, i got another rant sms from my dad saying how he was disappointed in me, that i don't pick my calls and having a phone-plan was useless. speaking of which, i take care of my phone and i don't carry it around when i do stuffs like skating or running around, afraid he will rant if i spoil another phone again. plus it's not that i ignore his calls. it just happened to be at that point of time i wasn't with my phone. and speaking of which i was only away from my phone for 10 minutes when he called. i called him back like 5 times and he puts me down. followed by that rant sms.

inclusive of how i was staying out so late for the past few days. and that i'm having so much fun and being too happy with my friends. and that im disturbing him cause he wants to sleep?

be reasonable and i'll react the same way. i have no school and i'm waiting to get enlisted. shouldn't i get any entitlement for unlimited fun because i'm gonna be locked up and away from home by you guys even more? talk about family gestures. its always about the individual. oh yes i'm really thankful for everything that's given to me. shelter, food, expenses and what not. but love? this awkward love that my mum sometimes wanting to force into me or my brothers is really a joke. yes my parents are trying, but i guess the more you try the more it backfires. you can't force natural love. you expect all the respect and it is given without a doubt, but you don't give it back, how am i supposed to remain hopeful for better days to come if i am similar to what you treat strangers, lost of hope of course!

sometimes i feel so much at fault. but i never got to do any thing that i wanted at all in my life. i wanted to prolong my time in the soccer team but no its eating to my studies and alot of malays are in it. so much discrimination. same thing goes to cross country. and now even my job/work/ambitions of becoming a graphic illustrator/designer, i'm being reprimanded on how much i use my laptop?? and the thing i tolerated the most to now is skateboarding. and im twenty one this year. i'm really pushed onto a wall and i can't fight back because that would be disrespectful, my wishes are always last to your so called "for your own good" terms. i live my life, and my life is on a different path from my brothers and please respect that, it's already been twenty years ongoing.

i know how i can take care of my life now. both to what you've taught me and what i've learnt on the outside world. however, the love that you force on to me? no. no no. it will always be a pretense love, i guarantee you that dad

- for one to pull through their ambitions and dreams, discipline is the key. but what happens if thy loses their patience and lose all hope? for one, i've passed through that and stuck through inevitably. how mundane the days could be? doing the same thing over and over again? even if its thy's passion? - dayseven

yes yes east coast park for the third time in four days. i really wasn't feeling it, but jon prompted me and even woke me up at 12ish. not my usual timing to wake up to but whateves. came over my crib and treated to me to some cold beancurd from mr.bean! watched friends with benefits and its so goooood! hype to watch it. we should we watch it when you get back dar dar (;

so we left for ecp at 4ish and reached there about 5.30ish? skated for like 45 minutes and we really got sian and moodless. so off we went to lagoon and cooled down with drinks. jon was overfantasizing on how his aloevera drink was damn jizz and all -.- but it was all good in the end. we shared stuffs more than we skated. really click well with him. and speaking of which! dum dum dummm, i can't wait for this saturday's session!! we are gonna film no shoes skate day. so um yeahhh wait and see!!

- of what i've become, longing for the other half has been such a challenge and im pushing through nevertheless - daysix

started off the day at noon-ish. and with a plan at hand to just pass the money to marcus chee for my loveskatepark stuffs, it actually turn out to be a hella fun impromptu test film session. i don't know if it's just me but i feel i'm taking my skateboarding to another level and i'm really amazed by that. this thirst and hunger for this feeling that i was actually forcing onto myself for 2 years now has finally kick in. but the funny thing is, is that i'm not actually forcing it. maybe i grew out of it and found a better thinking mindset about stuffs and life. i don't know, but one thing's for sure. i really like where i'm at now with skateboarding (:

today's officially the sixth day since my pancake left for an epic holiday around Europe. for what fun she is having there now, i can't wait to hear all of those stories when she returns back in my arms. today while browsing through the pictures she usually takes from my laptop, i welled up in tears. i say this everyday that i miss her and such. but there's never a second that goes by that i'm not thinking about her one bit. not one bit.


i won't sulk how long it will be till her return, instead i will be an optimist. hoping how many days has already past and that i'm nearing the days. 10 more days

- i need containment from all this loneliness. it's catching up and i can't run from it no longer. substitutes of such, your irreplaceable to no end. there's no one like you i'd miss this dearly - dayfive


i miss every single molecule of you dear jasmine. my face glued down like a bulldog's face, knowing i can't have you in my arms for another 11 days. your breath that is ever so distinct, i remember and still go jizzface.

for one, today was a day to rest. to rest my aching bones and muscles. finally a day with my whole family being present. nothing much really went down, but it just felt right. and that's what today really needed to be. that is all, i miss my pancake ):